“Dear Telepath: I Just Want to Be a Letter, Preferably a Vowel” – or – How I learned to stop worrying and love the apocalypse

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Slim Pickens rides the atom bomb in “Dr. Strangelove” (1964)

Dear Telepath,

I am 16 years old and I am going to go crazy.  I can’t stop thinking about the Apocalypse. I keep seeing and hearing things, and they all add up to one fact: It’s coming. I feel like it is pointless to even do things because I know it is all going to end soon, either by mass starvation with the death of bees, an asteroid hitting our planet, or by nuclear bomb, global warming, bird flu, or human flu, or AIDS, whatever. I am trying to cut high fructose corn syrup out of my diet and every time I think I have triumphed I realize that it’s in everything!!!!!! Splenda causes lesions to the brain, meat causes heart attacks, organic foods are twice the cost of non-organic, yet non-organic foods have pesticides and toxins.

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